


Severus Snape and the Know-It-All Student Who Wouldn't Leave Well Enough Alone

by Silbane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, F/M, Other, Parody, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7797571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silbane/pseuds/Silbane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack fic! After Hermione saves her bitter Potions Professor from imminent death in the Shrieking Shack and he returns briefly to finish out the teaching year, she shows up in his office to declare her love for him -- and to convince him that he feels the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Severus Snape and the Know-It-All Student Who Wouldn't Leave Well Enough Alone

**Author's Note:**

> After binging on SS/HG fics for the last week, I couldn't stop noticing how every one of them had at least one trope exercised (as is expected! And not always a bad thing!) in its chapters, and decided to make my own parody of them. Short and silly, not at all to be taken seriously. Enjoy!

His very last class, _ever_ , was over, and Severus Snape felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He was free! Finally free from the wretched idiots that spewed half-thought garbage from their mouths, who constantly attempted to murder each other through neglecting proper potion-making procedure, who he had never wanted to teach in the first place but was forced into by an overbearing headmaster. Free!

Unfortunately, it appeared the Gods refused to let him have just a brief moment of true independence, as his least favorite student -- perhaps even surpassing Harry _bloody_ Potter -- came waltzing into his office not three minutes after the rest of his students had filed out. An argument quickly ensued.

"But professor, you don't understand! I _love_ you!"

"What in blazes are you talking about, girl?!" He swirled to face her, his black, imperial robes waving, eyes pinned to her in horror.

"Professor, I've been in love with you since sixth year! I've just been ashamed to admit my feelings, I've been so fearful that you'll reject me! – Not that I could ever be ashamed of _you,_ Professor." She looked to the floor, then back up to him through her lashes.

"Bloody hell, Miss Granger, I'm old enough to be your father!" He yelled in disgust.

She shook her head and pouted. "Age doesn't matter, Professor, only love! After all, my own father was forty years older than my mother! I'm completely fine with an age difference!" She stepped closer to him, her arms open in confession.

"I--" He felt on the edge of exploding at her, but was caught off guard. _Forty years? Blegh!_  "What? Merlin, are you serious?"

"Yes, and _wizards_ live to be in the hundreds! What difference is a meager twenty years?"

"It matters because you're _young!_ Your brain isn't even fully developed until your twenties! You're hardly  _eighteen_ , Miss Granger! And yes I know about the Time Turner!"

Her eyes filled with tears and she stomped her foot like a petulant child. "Fine then! If you won't have me, then I'll leave Hogwarts and abandon my education to sulk as a spinster in Scotland! Because the only thing that matters to me is my love for you!"

"I have no idea what on earth has gotten into that tiny head of yours, but I _don't care_ what you do!" He turned around to face his desk, hoping it was finally over and he would have some peace.

She stepped back, affronted. "Wha.. what do you mean, _you don't care_? Don't you secretly love me too?"

His face pinched, and he tried to choke down the bile that had risen from this throat. He turned round to look at her again. "Absolutely not! You're my student! And not for bloody much longer, thank Circe!"

Hermione stepped forward again, her hands clenched to her chest. “But don't you have a deep, profound respect for my intelligence that you're now able to confess, since you're free from your two evil masters?”

"Two evil masters? Albus wasn't-- AND NO! I'm not _secretly_ in love with you!"

She took a deep breath. "I was the one who rescued you from dying in the Shrieking Shack! Didn't that at least allow you to change how you viewed me? How I've grown and developed into a compassionate, selfless woman, full-figured and though I'm not your stereotypical example of beauty, you're willing to look past my physical faults as I'm able to look past yours?"

He threw his fists in the air, flustered. What the hell was wrong with this chit?! "You're a bloody little tyrant that regurgitates her textbooks and expects to be praised! You are not a grown woman! And if I'd wanted to live, don't you think I would have planned ahead for my obvious demise?!"

"Alright, that's it! You're obviously in denial of your true feelings, and I didn't want it to come to this but you've given me no choice! I have to tell you!" She held up her hand, a silver ring decorated with a large emerald sitting on her finger. "I was snooping around in your room,"

"You were in my private quarters?!"

"Only to feel closer to you! It's very Slytherin of me, I know, you're proud even if you don't say it," she smiled coyly, "But I was exploring your drawers and came across this beautiful ring and thought I'd try it on, and what do you know, it fit! Anyway, I couldn't get it off because it's an enchanted family ring, passed down from the Snapes of old," she continued in a hushed whisper, "I looked it up in a book I found in the Restricted Section," she giggled and resumed her regular speaking voice, "and now that I've worn it, we are sworn to marry or we'll both wither and die horrible, painful deaths! So we must elope, Severus!"

He sat on the edge of his desk in pure disbelief. Merlin, he hoped she was just bonkers and not actually telling the truth. And how dare she! "I've never seen that ring in my life! Why you...! You insipid little-"

She strode forward to him and planted a chaste kiss onto his flabbergasted face. "I love you too, Severus."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! If you don't feel up to leaving a comment, Kudos make my heart sing!


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